DRAFT EXCLUDER

A time to be small.

May 30, 2023 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

long time no… nothing.

I have been quiet over the past few months, on social media, and on here, my blog. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, I just don’t feel the same level of need I used to about expressing myself consistently and frequently online. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the effects of social media on my practice, my own cognition and mental health, and a ‘less is more’ approach ultimately suits me better. I enjoy the connectivity, the instantaneousness, the access to a global array of stimuli. But I also need a lot of quiet time to not feel overwhelmed and disconnected from myself and my own goals. I’m not going to riff about it for too long, as there are people who discuss this topic far more eloquently than I, but I definitely feel a lot better when I am not ‘wired in’. I am also usually more productive and present in my own practice. Social media can be a valuable tool to escape from boredom, inertia, or discomfort, but I also need to sit with what is difficult, and form my own thoughts and escape plans. I also felt alienated by the disingenuous performative aspects of online personas. Yes- I get that the whole thing is in essence performative, but that doesn’t mean I have to want to play. I probably spend or have spent, too much time thinking about my online presence, to the point that I have disappeared up my own… anyway, as an over-thinker, I need to focus my energy on ‘doing’ IRL, rather than fretting about ‘presenting’ online.

As I have previously discussed, I also find social media an unpleasant space to function as an artist. If you post something that is different to your previous works or posts, you might feel a pang of dismay at a lack of engagement. Why don’t people like this one?? I thought I was getting somewhere! Low likes gang I see you! Everything about socials requires consistency- in content, posting level, presence and use of the app. These things are not conducive to everyone’s process, or indeed being a human. I admire people who have harnessed platforms to further their careers, but it doesn’t work for everyone. And that’s okay.

So enough about what’s not working. What has been working is burrowing deep into the research phase of my VACMA (Visual Arts & Crafts Makers Award) project- Abyssal Glow (working title).

It has felt like this is the first time for a long time that I have a solo project that I am excited to progress, to return to, and I allow it preoccupy my mind daily. I keep referring to it as a ‘full circle’ project as I am returning to those long left behind skills- darkroom photography and animation. My inspiration for this project has been a combination of dedicated research, alongside a lot of gut feeling, and the infiltration of different surroundings in my subconscious.

Collage piece as I work through recurrent image ideas.

I have found myself returning over and over to particular images I took in the past, but instead of thinking ‘I need to make something new and stop dwelling’, I have actively incorporated these images into the project, with two of them becoming absolutely central. If they seem important, and keep reappearing, then why am I fighting it so doggedly?

In terms of art historical references, I feel that I have naturally accumulated a series of influences that, although contrasting, sit well together within the overarching project. Basically it feels like I have been supplying my subconscious with what seemed like disparate elements, but they have coagulated together in the background to make some kind of monstrous, cohesive whole. Delightful.

Another collage ‘sketch’ for the project.

This project has contrasted with many I have undertaken previously as I actually feel comfortable in it. I don’t feel like I am scrabbling around to bring something together, or forcing an idea that doesn’t have a lot of mileage to be something bigger than it should be. I am in a good space in this project, it is a place of refuge and stability. It is a place of depth, and I feel more than ever the influence of my subconscious on my practice. This sounds a bit airy but for this particular idea, I have been mulling over themes and influences for so long they have become part of an internal vocabulary. I don’t really like describing something as ‘feeling natural’ because what does that even mean, but it feels unforced, and even… easy? Maybe it’s the development of my own visual language.

I don’t mean easy in the sense that I am not challenging myself, but that I am working around, and through, any obstacles. I think what I am experiencing is the realisation that I actually have a lot of experience now. I am mid-career guys. So perhaps the sense of confidence just comes from a solidifying of my identity as an artist. I feel much more at home there, and I can tell people what I do without the same level of uncertainty or imposter syndrome strangling me into shamed silence. I feel I have a lot of tools that support me, like a good foundation: a studio, supportive peers, access to materials and equipment… some of the basic elements I didn’t have for a long time. Being out there in the artistic wilderness is one of those oh it’s character forming things, but it doesn’t necessarily engender a desire to continue on. Being an artist can feel like an isolating, solitary experience, and sometimes you need it to be, to find your own direction I suppose. But it can also make it feel like an unrelenting slog with little reward, and a precariousness that many would find intolerable- both in an intellectual and material sense. I suppose it is.

I think another contributing factor to this sense of solidness in my identity is being employed as an artist. Being paid to work as a skilled professional in a variety of settings, as an artist. I spent many years as an arts organiser, supporting the careers of artists, designers and makers, which gave me a greater understanding of how the cultural sector works, and a sense of satisfaction in promoting visual art etc, but sometimes you need to decide if you want to be a cheerleader, or if you want to be on the other side. To be honest, part of this decision to move away from arts organiser type roles was also that every post I applied for in the past year I didn’t get an interview for- not that I felt entitled to yeahhh- but it just spelled out to me that I wasn’t going to get anywhere pursuing that avenue as a means of supporting myself.

Image Credit: https://www.instagram.com/freeze_magazine/

I am often moved to have strong views on ‘art jobs’ because as an artist it can seem like a good idea as they are adjacent to your practice, but they can also take up a lot of the brain space that your own creative endeavours require. Throughout the years I have, alongside my freelance work and practice, had non-related jobs, such as roles in administration, and more recently in physical work such as cleaning (more slog). These jobs do not attack the part of my brain I need to be creative in the same way, and yes they present their own challenges, but they do not take away my desire, or ability, to maintain my practice- a new development! Some of these roles also offer the same level of pay as creative sector roles, so it doesn’t seem like some grave mistake. Unless I actually want anyone to read my CV I guess…

I am grateful for the roles that I had as an arts organiser, but I know it was the right decision for me to instead choose to pursue roles as an artist- teaching, commissioned works, workshops etc, and supplement that with ‘non-art’ work. This is the method I am using at the moment, and I very well may end up eating my words, but I am sure there are many creatives out there who can relate to this push-pull of finding work as an artist. It’s not even like there are a lot of ‘art jobs’ out there either. Who’s to say anyone would want me anyway? I certainly didn’t have much success in my last round of approaches. I also think that maybe it’s my age (oh no guys, mid-career), or that my CV is a weird mish-mash that lacks cohesion and is in no way at all linear (true). Welcome to life as an artist I guess. I don’t hold these views in a bitter way, as I think it’s clear to me what’s ‘for me’ and what’s not, in many senses. I also have to be at peace with my own life choices- to choose to pursue a life as an artist, with its innate instability, inconsistency and challenges, when I could have done… something else. I have always said that I would keep going until I couldn’t any more, I would keep trying to live this way and make it work, and maybe one day I’ll have to give it all up and retrain in cyber (we still haven’t forgiven Rishi for that one). But I keep on.

Always a WIP.

Thank you for reading.

More on my project soon (me or otherwise).

J 😊

What now, zines & more

March 13, 2023 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

hello again.

I had prepared a January themed blog post at the beginning of the year, but I didn’t like the genericness of that, so I scrapped it and didn’t write another. For months! Give us nothing! I did! And now it’s March!

I don’t see this as a bad start to the year (naturally) but instead just curating my blog (see: protecting it from crap) and not feeling compelled to post dross to fill up space and tick a box. Do you believe me?

A brief digression into talking about goals:

Instead of doing a lot of thinking (not problematic in itself, but more in terms of sheer quantity of head scratching time), this year, I decided I need to do more doing. Of course I have spent a bit of time thinking about how I want to reshape the direction of my practice this year- but I want to initiate practical steps in a timely fashion wherever possible.

I feel like I want to strip back some of the layers I have accumulated around my art making. After several years of exploring so many new processes, new techniques, new focuses, I want to return to some of the things that were foundational in my art practice in its early years.

I have really enjoyed expanding my creative repertoire to include things like screenprinting, needle punch, embroidery, monoprinting, self-publishing etc etc, but I have long harboured the desire to do a ‘back to basics’ project that would require me to tangle with some technical and personal challenges.

Where did it all begin??

Specifically I am talking about darkroom photography (also animation, but we will get to that). I was lucky enough to have access to a darkroom in my school years during my first forays into black and white photography. My dad allowed me to use his 35mm camera- a Canon AE1 which I still have and use to this day, and I was able to process films, and make my first black and white print (which I still have somewhere- a flower). I enjoyed the hands on nature of the process, the variables, the tinkering, and the quiet, meditative quality of working in the dark.

As I have previously mentioned, I moved into a new studio facility last year and was delighted to find a darkroom therein. I have yet to reacquaint myself with the processes, but have formulated a mini-project in my head to try and kick start my thinking, and get me fired up about all things darkroom. I will update as this progresses. Currently I have a steady thematic direction and am gathering research. Initiating this phase felt like quite a relief. Phew, I have an idea, I have a purpose.

I have also applied for some small-scale project funding to get the proposal going and allow me to purchase materials etc, but I will try to push this forward even on a micro scale if this doesn’t come to fruition. Where there is a will, there’s a hideous project on a shoe-string budget- that’s what I always say!

What I’m working on currently:

Since the beginning of the year I have been lucky enough to lead some more creative workshops. Professional practitioner time! These have been themed around making zines so far. I have, for many years now, enjoyed the process of making zines, mostly for showcasing my artwork and writing, and making them as part of my Cannibal Cubs projects.

I also enjoy collecting and reading other zines. I love a niche, and zines are a niche’s niche.

Self-publishing is fun and only as complicated as you make it (sometimes really complicated- love that). For years I was lucky enough to have access to a photocopier which hugely aided the development and dissemination of my creations. Also a long-reach stapler- very, very key. (Although I do stitch bind now too!). I borrowed this from my Dad initially (thanks again Dad) and he said to me ‘oh yeah I used it to make shitey booklets’, and honestly, same ever since. And no, I didn’t return it. The more garbage your aesthetic the better sometimes with zines, so it suited me as a DIY method of getting my work out there. How ‘out there’ it got is still up for debate…

I have also had a couple of zines professionally printed- primarily as part of a funded project, but also as part of a collaborative exhibition. I like the lo-fi aesthetic of a handmade zine, its potential and power, rooted in a long history of subversiveness, rebelliousness and subculture infighting. My favourites!

The workshops I have been leading have been aimed at beginners and accomplished zinesters alike, so I’ve tried to pitch them at an accessible level, but also allow people the opportunity to experiment and play, and maybe challenge themselves to step away from their usual method of making, or format etc. So far I have been pleased with the way these sessions have unfolded (excuse the poster zine pun), and look forward to continuing. I like it when a workshop opens you up to continuing a practice at home, and is affordable and accessible- both collage making and zines embody this well.

One of the other reasons I’ve enjoyed introducing people to zine making is that, like any hands on activity, it encourages people to slow down their thinking a bit, consider what they are constructing/writing, and have a break from the immediacy of online life, or even just daily routine and frenetic, wired in living. Looking at someone else’s handmade zine is equally an opportunity to take some time to see the world through another’s eyes, be exposed to opinions you may not usually encounter, see something stimulating… I can get quite evangelical about the possibilities and benefits.

Making something with your hands can be highly therapeutic, allowing you to get close to that coveted flow state. Being playful is something that can be severely lacking, or forgotten about completely, even for creatives or artists. Remember fun?

I always joke with peers about how ART IS NOT FUN!!! But it’s not really true. It’s trying to make a living from art that’s not fun. Play and creative practice are great ways to refresh your perspective, for creative professionals and well, anyone. Sometimes this needs to be enforced in a workshop environment (weee organised fun… said… not me), as carving out ‘playtime’ in your own schedule always seems to fall off the list, if it ever even makes it on in the first place.

What I’m reading

INFERNO!! by Dante

Pretty sure I’ve stood in the ‘vestibule of hell’ before in many public buildings but I digress.

Picked this up as a bit of research for a project. I danced around reading this after toiling with Ovid and others. Sometimes another saga… I’m not ready. I think I’m a more mature reader now but was surprised by how readily I was absorbed into the journey.

To be continued…

What I’m listening to

I just finished Katherine Rundell’s wonderful book on John Donne ‘Superinfinite‘. I enjoyed this biography, which was very humorous, very well written and engaging. I came away with a new understanding of Donne’s life and his works. I have studied his poetry, read it countless times, and I still gained fresh insight and enthusiasm to revisit his work once more. 400 years on (and no, that’s not since I studied him THANKS), it amazes and delights me that works that are so old can still speak to us- the common themes are eternal to our species: love, death, suffering, grief, spirituality, all the big ones that move, motivate and unravel us.

I didn’t realise quite how many words in the English language that Donne was personally responsible for (no spoilers). It wasn’t always a totally edifying portrayal, but it added a human, ‘mortal’ element that I found lacking in other studies of Donne. It shows Donne as poet, lover, father, preacher- all phases of his life, and the paradoxical nature of these many transformations. He was someone at the mercy of his desires, beaten down by corporeality, but also someone totally enthralled and astounded by human life.

Highly recommend this book. I am a superfan. Life affirming, fascinating stuff.

That’s a short recap for now, thanks for reading!

J 🙂

2022 byeeeee

December 21, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

I figured it might be a good way to round off the year with a post, and although I haven’t quite established a regular posting schedule, I figure it’s better to write when you feel moved to do so, rather than forcing a post of dross out to tick a box on my to-do list.

Current reading etc

I am currently listening to the audiobook version of ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel A. van der Kolk. A much recommended book, it has been a difficult listen in places (as any book about trauma is going to be) but has been eye-opening in many ways to the deep connection between body and mind. I think it’s very easy, as a cerebral person, to forget this, and this has been an invaluable digression.

I have just finished the latest issue of Spike Magazine- Vulnerability. Any magazine that has Tea Hacic-Vlahovic as a regular contributor is a must on my list.

I have completed my large scale commission I seem to have been endlessly toiling with (no pictures of the final piece until I’m over the initial hatred stage).

wip shot of the long commission. long in many ways…

I have started another large scale mouse based collage work in my studio.

me making something awful

I made a few hilarious Cannibal Cubs tufted rugs as gifts for people (I wasn’t going to include pictures in case someone happens to read this, though I think I am safe to say none of my immediate circle would subject themselves to reading my blog as they are regularly exposed to the live show). As many people I’m sure are experiencing, life seems to be very expensive just now, and Xmas appearing in view is not a welcome sight when the budget is already zero. I have made more handmade gifts this year than I usually do- I am normally too busy making items for markets and the like, but having swerved that this year I found myself with a teency bit more time. There’s also something therapeutic about this particular process for my addled brain.

A mouse rugly made by me as a cyute gift. Normally my mouse rugs are a bit… intense? But I made this once nice and friendly.

Anyway, back to my version of the dreaded holiday newsletter. No one graduated, it was mostly toil. I jest.

2022 the year of leaving the ‘Kekun’.

2022 has been a year where with the rolling back of covid restrictions, I have been able to broaden the scope of what I was able to achieve in the public sphere, including exhibitions, workshops, and spending more time with people face-to-face. I think this was a necessary thing before I completely atrophied from lack of professional external contact and ‘putting myself out there’. I have a propensity to be insular when I am creating new works, but if I let that mentality seep across my entire professional life I am at risk of disconnecting in a way that isn’t healthy. Being a loner works for some artists, and I think everyone needs this to a degree, but at this stage in my life I can’t really become a total recluse. Yet.

As I’ve detailed before, the covid years provided me with time to develop long neglected sides of my practice such as beginning to draw again, picking up my analogue camera more regularly, and starting to produce written works. But we humans are social creatures and although I was able to glean some small benefits during an overwhelmingly stressful and dark time, I am glad to have been able to re-emerge and ‘do the things’.

As a practitioner this year has been invaluable in taking my first steps back into teaching. Covid restrictions made workshops retreat to the online sphere, and it’s been nice to actually get out and connect with people doing creative activities again. It was a confidence boost to remind myself of my own capabilities and also the enjoyment that art can bring to people’s lives, with simple materials a lot of the time. I am hoping to build on the workshops I have provided so far, as well as expanding my freelance working to include some more consistent teaching and facilitation. Upswing!

Image from a recent collage workshop held at a local community warm space.

Existing in the current economic climate has arguably been a challenge but this is not unusual for artists or those working in the ‘creative industries’ (am I the only one who hates that term?). Many of us are all too familiar with instability, precarity and the need for fortitude and adaptability. Saying that however there is only so far that a positive attitude can take you (maybe I’m not *manifesting* hard enough), and when bills just need paid you start to question whether you have chosen a foolish path. I think questioning your choices is pretty much innate in ‘art life’, but it has had an acute, sharper feeling this year. I have always pursued other employment whilst being an artist, but have had periods this year where I had no additional income and it was at times, destabilising. I have once again sought alternative, part time flexible employment, which will take the pressure off- even if the logistics are making it harder to commence than anticipated. I am resourceful. I will survive. I will ride my sewer crocodile into the sunset. Soon.

everything is trash and I am falling over.

But sometimes it does not stave off the creeping sense of discomfort that choosing this life was a mistake. I am sure that most creative professionals encounter this sensation, probably daily in some cases, but many of us seem to manage to keep on, keepin on, and strive towards having the sorts of lives they want to live. Also maybe we don’t talk about this enough? Only amongst close confidantes? Should artists talk more about ways to survive together? Do they already have support groups I am not invited to? Something to ruminate over next time I’m trying to meditate. Intrusive thoughts!

Anyhoo.

What keeps me going? What keeps me going in the dark night of art soul?

this again.

ART FRIENDS!

Mostly peer support. Having other people around trying to live the same kind of lives makes you feel like you are not alone, and that you are not in pursuit of the ridiculous (even when you probably are). Mostly. It gives you a sense of community amid an existence that can feel like chaos, or just out and out permaslog. Feeling seen and heard is important, having people to turn to for advice, or just to complain to can, like all problems, make the load a little lighter, even just for a while. I am forever indebted to my studio mates and other creative friends for this. But I wasn’t always so lucky. It took me a long time to build networks, and I had to actively seek out opportunities to meet other artists or makers. I initially did this by applying for selling events and naturally seeing the same faces, as well as attending a course entitled ‘Sustaining Life as a Creative’ in 2016. I was able to meet a whole room of people trying to exist as a creative in differing ways, and made some lasting connections as a result. We soon realised we all had versions of the same problems, and it made me feel less isolated. It took me a long time to actually not be isolated however, but this was the beginning of that process. I was lucky to stumble across this course, but depending on where you live you might not have these opportunities so readily to hand, and have to rely more on the interwebs to connect with others. I have dabbled in this also, but I’m actually kind of rubbish at consistently being on instagram or other platforms, so my lacklustre presence doesn’t inspire a constellation of pals and potential. It’s hard to invest a lot of time and energy in being ‘online’ all the time, I find it quite intrusive into my regular brain space. There are certainly lots of people who excel at this- more power to them- but I need IRL support or I crumble.

What else helps?

BEING A NERD!

Reading the biographies of other artists is usually a good morale boost, and has always provided me with much solace. Understanding that the path is not linear for creative people can give a sense of hope and comfort when you wonder if you should have just… done literally anything else. The only thing that can mar this slightly are biographies that include scenes of extreme wealth and status that make you think… okaaaaay, I’m not the offspring of an aristocratic dynasty or the great nephew of whoever… but there are always *some* commonalities regardless. Creative struggle is struggle, but some people have more of the general life struggle than others. You’ll never find a complete mirror of your own experience in such accounts, but a glimmer of recognition is still something in the dark.

MORE READING!

approx 1000000 books belonging to me

I have also read many, many advice books for artists, and will list below the ones I have found the most useful. I also try to read relevant blogs, like The White Pube, which features helpful advice columns, and find solace and a dark chuckle in niche meme accounts for artistic life.

Useful books/Books I have read:

‘Ways of Being: Advice for Artists by Artists’ by James Cahill– predictably this had some gems and some so-so nuggets of wisdom, as marmite as the artists themselves will be for many people. Highlights again the differing journeys each artist will have, and that success takes many forms and has varying timelines.

Plan & Play, Play & Plan: Defining your art practice by Janwillen Schrofer– this was helpful when I was trying to become more comfortable with the rhythm of my own practice, the importance of play, what productivity actually can look like. It was dense and well put together- I need to revisit it.

How to be an Artist by Jerry Saltz– this was a high energy collection of pep and encouragement, acknowledging that not everyone’s practice will look the same but there is inherent value and importance in just showing up and trying. Art is hard work! Jerry wants you to get to it, stat.

Playing to the Gallery: Helping contemporary art in its struggle to be understood by Grayson Perry – digestible and friendly, written with humour and wit. Accessible and overall enjoyable read from a self-aware artist.

I also liked this just because: What Artists Wear by Charlie Porter– fun dive into the sartorial lives of artists and what it reveals about their differing ways of existing in the world. It’s never ‘just clothes’. As Leonard Woolf said, ‘Nothing matters, and everything matters’.

On my reading list:

Talk Art: Everything you wanted to know about contemporary art but were afraid to ask by Russell Tovey and Robert Diament – will report back once I’ve had a chance to get through this one.

What’s next?

This coming year I am trying to bring a greater sense of stability into my life, with more regular freelance work and sporadic part time employment (hahaha I am aware how that sounds… ha). It’s hard to create and be creative sometimes when you are constantly thinking about the rising cost of everything (particularly materials, sweet baby J), so I am hoping that my employment changes will engender a slightly greater sense of security that might free up my creative brain. Fingers crossed.

I am still pleased with the variety of projects and shows I have undertaken this year, and similarly hope to build on this again next year. I think it’s easy to underplay your own achievements but in the midst of what has at times felt like a difficult year, I have still managed to pull together work and explore new avenues, new techniques, all whilst moving studio (goodbye OG Kekun Studio, hello Arkade Studios) and working on larger projects.

Also committing to maintaining and creating this blog has been a step I had wanted to take for a while, and although this is only in the very early stages of becoming something, or indeed anything, I am pleased I took the step to encourage me to write more, and share my thoughts and ideas with a wider community.

Thanks for reading- I hope you have a restful xmas/holiday break

J 😊

Creative Resilience Exhibition!

November 26, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

This post got a little delayed due to me being absolutely floored by a cold. I actually had to take some time off, which is unusual for me. I haven’t been that unwell in years. Basically my brain was like an over-baked potato, so all things creative, and all things blog just had to take a back seat until I resurfaced. I’m functioning on about 60% now, so that’s something. Hah. The joys of winter.

Anyway- back to my original post.

A couple of weeks ago a collective I am part of (Cannibal Cubs) had a piece of work included in a group exhibition of women artists in at the Yard Life Gallery, SWG3 in Glasgow, Scotland. I was really stoked for our work to be included alongside this group of talented artists working across the country and beyond. I was also excited to be included in a show in Glasgow, having only shown in the city a couple of times. There’s a thriving art scene there, and it always feels like events are well supported and attended. I’d love to be part of more shows and projects happening across the country- I suppose it’s just me standing in my own way for this to happen a lot of the time.

The show opening night was also a rare chance to meet some of the other faces behind the works and the atmosphere was really positive, warm and welcoming. I haven’t been to many openings if I’m honest since Covid. So it was nice to do something like this and have it feel so rewarding. I sometimes find openings a bit overwhelming, and my social skills are probably a bit rusty for larger events. I need to be reintroduced to society like the beaver. Anyway.

Be sure to check out the show in Glasgow if you’re around there- it runs until January and features works across a variety of mediums- sculpture, needlework, pyrography, painting, printmaking, tufting and more. The organisers worked really hard to pull together something special- including a hand assembled catalogue- and the space is jam packed with a diverse range of works. Well worth a visit- I came away feeling energised (I need more of this) and looking forward to opportunities to connect again with such a dynamic and inspiring group.

You can watch a wee video about the show here. Or read about it here. You can find more info about the show and the Yard Life Gallery here.

A sneak peek at our piece:

Titled ‘REVOLTING’ we created a mixed media artwork with a range of elements, including hand tufted parts. The piece was intended to depict a mouse revolt against cat tyranny. Solidarity!

Making

I made a large scale piece the other week after discovering a huge roll of paper in the studio with a textural background all over it. It is mostly a mixed media collage of my drawings of mice (surprise!). It sort of developed from the process of making the piece for the Creative Resilience show. I feel like this large works might become a series. Having the new studio space has been really instrumental in encouraging me to shake off a lot of limitations. Making large, dynamic works feels quite natural now, whereas before I was quite timid about adventuring much beyond A3 sort of size.

It was made pretty quickly while listening to a combination of the Polyester Zine Podcast and The Great Women Artists Podcast. I neglect to listen to things for months and then binge ten episodes in a sitting! Standard. Easily my two favourite listens while working.

I made the piece on the floor, it was quite physical doing that and was what I needed to break myself out of a bit of a creative funk (albeit briefly). I find this time of year a bit tough for motivation and starting new projects. Or finishing them. I am still toiling with the commission I have been working on sporadically for months- although I did push myself to make some decisions about the final presentation of the work. It’s essentially an assembly job now, and I just need to motivate myself to pick up my tools and complete it. Next week…

I’ll be back with a post about a workshop I ran yesterday 🙂

Thanks for reading

J 🙂

Edinburgh highlights/ ‘difficult’ collections

November 10, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

I took a trip to Edinburgh a couple of weekends ago, had an interesting time catching some cultural and culinary highlights. Here is a quick round-up of some of my favourites.

One of my first stops was the Royal Scottish Academy to catch Ade Adesina’s show ‘Parallel’.

I love Ade’s work- I could spend forever looking at all the details. I find insects endlessly appealing, and there are so many in these pieces. Check out more of his work here. His process videos always astound me.

I also visited ‘Anatomy: A Matter of Death and Life‘ at the National Museum of Scotland. No pictures of this as no photography was permitted- which makes sense when the exhibition contains human remains and some pretty graphic anatomical models. Collections of bone saws don’t appeal to everyone either (although every time I am in London I visit the Wellcome Collection which has a lot of medical instruments, and one of my favourite museum objects- Napoleon’s toothbrush! I love a random domestic object that has significance, not that I have a particular love of Napoleon or anything).

A few years ago I was studying for a PhD focusing on the curation of ‘difficult’ museum specimens (abandoned due to personal reasons), so I always have a special interest in exhibits which handle sensitive items. Naturally there are a lot of ethical considerations to such an undertaking, which museums have a duty to engage with more than ever (not to mention the provenance of their vast collections). This exhibit contained some items with ‘sensitive content’ warnings, and I found myself deeply moved, and at times disturbed, by what I saw.

The ‘exhibit’ (it feels strange calling it that) which will stay with me the most, was probably the skeleton of William Burke, of the infamous Burke & Hare murders in 1820’s Edinburgh. As part of the punishment for his crimes it was the judge’s wish that, after public hanging and dissection, his skeleton should be put on public display. Despite this being part of official judicial decree, I still find it hard to look at a human skeleton, particularly one imbued with this particular backstory. It’s a gruesome kind of fascination that draws you to a cabinet with such content.

I have previously visited the Surgeon’s Hall museum several times which also contains a lot of Burke and Hare artefacts- this museum is also well worth a visit (avoid the dentistry museum if you have the fear, it gives me the heebies). One of the items in this collection which stayed with me LONG after seeing it, and not included in the National Museum show, was a book supposedly bound in Burke’s skin. As far as contentious objects go, books bound in human skin are pretty high up the list (or at least my list). Ghoulish. I am unsure if this object is still on display today, or is just part of the larger collection.

The exhibition at NMS made me reflect on the public fascination with crimes like the Burke and Hare murders, in fact there was a good quote as part of the exhibit that commented on this public obsession at the time of the murders, and I wish I could have taken a note of it. It was very apt in encapsulating the alarming way gory details can be hungrily raked over by the media and lapped up by readers with equal fervour. The current popularity of true crime documentaries and dramas reflects a very old fascination indeed. I sometimes wonder if we disconnect from the ‘human’ side of these crimes- the impact on victim’s families, ignoring the risks of broader cultural ramifications of a fascination with violence and murder. This is pertinent given the controversy around the recent Dahmer series. Is this just a cultural handwringing reminiscent of the panic of the 90’s around the effect of violence in video games and Tarantino films?

I’m not sure how eloquently I can form the dark swirl of my thoughts around this, but standing in front of Burke’s skeleton I was brought very much into the moment, the experience of existing in a body, with a keen awareness of the very real harms that can be inflicted on the bodies of others. Looking at his hands, I felt a deep chill.

Being able to abstract the impact of crimes through a screen, or behind glass- does this diminish our ability to empathise with the bodies of others? At what point does it become acceptable for trauma to become entertainment, or vice versa? I feel like there’s probably a wealth of good writing on this- suggestions welcome.

Incidentals

To lighten the mood- here’s a few incidental shots of Edinburgh that caught my eye as I wandered around. I used to live in the city and always find new views, new places, and fresh perspectives on each visit. It’s a very international and culturally rich place, I always come away feeling like I’ve taken in some visual sustenance.

PS I said to lighten the mood- perhaps these seem like gloomy images, but it was late October in Edinburgh so you work with what ya got!

Thanks for reading as always. I’ll be back soon with another travel update, a new exhibition and some studio progress.

J 🙂

This week in review

October 21, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

So this week I finished my current audiobook listen: ‘A Cigarette Lit Backwards‘ by Tea Hacic-Vlahovic.

I enjoyed the audiobook version so much that I wish I had chosen this version for her first book ‘Life of the Party’ (actually it’s not available in English, only Italian, good reason to learn). Having Hacic-Vlahovic reading the text was like having a friend telling you stories and secrets, unlike reading it in a monotone in my own head (jokes I don’t really do that. But as an aside I once read that not everyone ‘reads aloud’ in their head when reading a book and quite frankly I was disturbed. But then I learned that not everyone has a near constant monologue in their own head… not that I have that… no…).

Anyway back to the book! I really enjoyed this teenage whirlwind, coming-of-age tale, set in the early 2000s. Thankfully due to my own age (no spoilers) I was well versed in a lot of the cultural references, and it engendered a combination of nostalgia and relief in me that I am no longer living in that era! Although… pre social media as we know it… tempting…. I never even had MySpace! lol.

The book reminded me of the intoxicatingly violent headiness of being a teenager. The impulsiveness, the intensity and depth of emotion, the swaying from ‘fuck it’ to ‘who am I what am I doing’. The gross perils of navigating your first forays in romantic entanglements with others, the abuses of power that seem to come naturally to so many. The all or nothing dynamic of relationships/friendships- just sheer intensity, stirred up with hormones, mixed with a determined rebelliousness against… well, most things.

Similar to living in the early 00’s (would you like to experience more misogyny than today?) I don’t think I miss my teenage years (heck no), and like the main character Kat, I hated school. I couldn’t wait to leave and get onto the next stage of my life. To stop being treated like a child, to not be a child. Kat fights the good fight of teen rebellion in a self-assured way that my 15 year old self would have been in awe of. I’ve always said that teen girls (having been one) are one of the most dangerous, potent forces on the planet and this book does little to contradict this. Kat is a force, and although prey to the same insecurities and doubts that every teen suffers, she rebounds in ways that I (in my decrepitude) was delighted and rallied by. I was cheering Kat on, I wanted to hug her, and I wanted, more than anything, to go clothes shopping with her. Teen dream!

It reminded me of the Bikini Kill song, ‘Rebel Girl’:

When she talks, I hear the revolution
In her hips, there’s revolution
When she walks, the revolution’s coming
In her kiss, I taste the revolution

Rebel girl, rebel girl
I know I wanna take you home
I wanna try on your clothes, uh

The book is propelled by the snowball effect of decisions, even small ones, at that time of life, and the ways they can lead you down unexpected, or ultimately doomed paths. One minute you’re being led gently by the hand, the next fate punches you in the gut, right? But it also reminds you of the possibilities in life, of making different choices, of staying true to yourself (too cheesy? there’s a lot of grilled cheese in this book so it’s on my mind), and of *namaste betches* rebirth!

Also enjoyed the observations of the trappings of small-town mindsets (heaven help us), and the conformity that is sometimes embedded in subcultures, even those based in non-conformity (ew you like that band? ew you’re wearing that?). It also reminded me of the joy of finding others that think like you, and the inevitable betrayals when people turn out to be more (or less) than you thought. Teen years are the Everest of learning curves and this book, at times painfully, documents the torment of internal and external struggles reaching an apex. I always thought the next part was the most exciting- taking all that and using it to shape yourself into an individual. This book is steeped in that sense of possibility and it is a welcome reminder that that feeling exists, on different scales, in our lives well beyond our teen years.

I would recommend this book to anyone who was an alt teen in the 00s and anyone who wasn’t- what’s the point of reading if you don’t take the chance to see through someone else’s eyes and expand your thinking. Sermon over.

That girl thinks she’s the queen of the neighbourhood
I got news for you, she is!

Making

This week I have been working with my Cannibal Cubs collaborator to make a new piece for an upcoming group show. The deadline is pretty tight, so things have to happen QUICK!

I feel like I’m quite behind on some projects, not sure why, motivation has been a bit low, and energy even lower. I sometimes think the change of the seasons, particularly into autumn, leaves me feeling a bit drained. Hoping things pick up- either that or maybe I’ll just hibernate. Done deal.

Have an upcoming trip to Edinburgh so will aim to share some of my cultural/photographic highlights!

Thanks for reading

J 🙂

Renting a studio

October 17, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

Emerging from the cocoon of study

I have been working as an artist for many years, but only in the last few have I taken on a permanent rented premises in which to make my work.

Post art school, or in the early stages of building a practice, this is a dilemma many artists face- where will I make the work I want to make? Do I need a studio? Am I legit if I don’t?

(Disclaimer: I’m using my art school —-> real life journey as an example here, but there are obviously many, many ways to start and maintain an art practice, and the road this takes towards needing a studio or not. Leaving art school can be quite a shock in some ways as you go from having lots of space and facilities to (often) nothing. It’s like being a very spoiled pet and suddenly you’re an alley cat. Other routes can involve this harshness from the get-go, so I appreciate the years I had before the Big Bad World encroached).

To rent or not to rent

For some people their practice necessitates the sourcing and renting of a studio by virtue of the method or the scale of the work produced. But many of us who use a laptop, or a desk, to work (though limiting oneself is also dangerous…) it can seem like an unnecessary expense to rent somewhere to make artwork.

When I was a fresh graduate I took a space with a couple of other artists in an open-plan, office style, pig-pen set up. I really didn’t use the space as often as I should have, due to waning motivation after the initial post-graduation rush, and the cramped nature of sharing with several others. I had to give up the space fairly swiftly, as an unused studio quickly becomes a financial burden, and the guilt is just as anxiety inducing (are you even an artist??? what are you doing???). I think I had yet to work out exactly what I wanted from a studio, and what kind of space I actually needed for my practice- too much too soon.

Following this, for most of the years after I graduated I worked from home, at a kitchen table, a living room floor, or wherever the work suited. Because my practice was largely photographic or paper based I was only really in need of a desk. I missed darkroom access once I left art school, and made various attempts to construct my own darkroom- one memorably in a basement where people also… hung their washing… anyway- the least said about that the better as the photos that emerged were as dire a quality as the overall experience. One star, would not repeat.

When I shifted towards more academic study and stopped making work as regularly I didn’t really worry about having a specific place to work as it would be whenever the whim to work took me, and subsequently I spent many sporadic collage years accidentally gluing hair from the bedroom carpet into whatever I was making.

Making of meaning/meaning of making

I always thought a studio (in some part of my lizard brain) was something you had when you had ‘made it’. My definition of ‘making it’ at this point would have been successfully making and selling work to the point where you are self-supporting and need a place to produce the steady stream of perfect pieces people are banging on your door to buy.

So in my mind a studio became a sort of legitimising thing. A validation of artist-ness. It was something that came along with the ability of being able to say ‘I’m an artist‘ without looking around shiftily or sweating. I used to feel kind of embarrassed when people asked me if I had a studio and I said I worked from home. Perhaps because I was reading some kind of glee in their response that I wasn’t a real artist. I think these days that’s known as projecting, but that’s not to say that you don’t encounter lots of people along your creative journey who would like to see you fail. That’s life innit. Haters gonna… delegitimise-your-shaky-sense-of-self-perpetually-unless-you-harden-yourself-and-nurture-self-belief. Anyway.

Home working before it was mandatory

I quite liked working from home in a lot of respects- it’s cheap, it’s easy to work any time, you can take breaks without judgement (inner critic aside) and have some element of privacy (where possible). But it can also be hard to delineate your time correctly between work and leisure and self-motivation is a major element (I mean arguably it’s core in any artistic practice, but it takes a lot of willpower not to just sit on the sofa).

Very early working from home set up. Wow so neat.

My peak of home working probably occurred when I was working several jobs, some art, some non-art related, whilst kickstarting my practice again, between 2013-2016. I often needed to make work for shows, events, markets etc, and had to work predominantly in the evening or at weekends. I found this quite an exhausting time. It was great to drive my practice forward at pace and have actual deadlines to push towards, but man, I remember a lot of going straight from my desk to bed in a fugue state.

My desk when prepping for a selling event, circa 2015/2016. Did I mention how much I hate making greetings cards?

When I first started having a ‘studio day’ I found it really hard to structure my time. I think initially I was being far too rigid. I had this idea in my head of what my day should be, or look like, and I would either fritter away the time meeting up with someone (people would often call my studio day a ‘day off’ ha ha haaaa), or I would just panic that I wasn’t using this time wisely enough and freeze. There’s nothing more stifling for creativity sometimes than having a designated ‘art time’. Like cool, no pressure then. But often this is the reality of your schedule. Capitalism! It demands we work to survive, so we have to fit everything else in.

Motivation and its discontents

There’s also this notion of ‘everyone has the same 24 hours’ which can be particularly toxic for creatives. I remember once reading an interview with some fashion entrepreneurs in a magazine for an online brand/retailer. They were both young, high flying and successful. One of the questions related to how they managed to build their brand alongside working other ‘normal’ jobs. I think the response was along the lines of ‘be like Oprah! Get up at 5am’. I remember feeling like… so if I don’t sword-dance with burnout constantly I’m not trying hard enough? And I shouldn’t have any time to rest? Which is integral to creativity, and errr, sanity? Infuriating. Damaging. Bullshit. I’m not saying that it doesn’t take lots of hard work to make anything a success, but when did this gross side-hustle-girl-boss-entrepreneur-influencer work ethic become the only way?

The long and the short of my particular version of this saga is that in order to dedicate more time to my practice I had to let go of some paid part time work. This has happened twice in my career so far, once with a part time job and once with some freelance roles. I just couldn’t handle having four separate jobs, and trying to work on my own projects at night when I felt like I couldn’t keep my head off the desk. Demoralising and unsustainable- delightful! My moods ranged from Eeyore to Godzilla and I hated everything I made. Awful. Again, one star, would not repeat.

I reduced my paid working hours enough to cover myself, and carved out extra time for my practice during the day. I was able to breathe and take the pressure off those bounded moments for creativity in my schedule. I still overcommitted myself to events and projects (saying no, not my forte), but I didn’t have to do all my working at night. It took me ages to relearn that evenings = downtime. I still struggle with this occasionally when at home, as I still have a work room which can beckon me. What is relaxation?????????

A different kind of ‘Kekun’

During 2019 I became involved with a local art collective/studio, Kekun Studio, that had a premises in an area of the city that wasn’t far from my home. I began spending time with the resident artists, Mary Butterworth and Jon Reid, and participated in two collaborative shows (Little Shop of Horrors and Bygone) and assisted with their residency programme. In early 2020 I was offered the chance to become a permanent part of the studio and rent a space there, alongside my collaborator on Cannibal Cubs.

This was my first real experience of having a studio and it really opened up the range activities I could undertake. It was particularly useful for the Cannibal Cubs projects as we had a space we could screen print in more easily (having previously worked on a living room floor, cleaning screens in the shower).

Screen printing Cannibal Cubs products at Kekun studio, early 2020 (pre covid!).

It was also helpful to be around other artists again, an experience I had previously left behind in art school. It’s invaluable to have other people around to discuss elements of professional practice with, to shoot the shit with, complain to, rejoice with. It can make choosing a life like this less lonely and a unrelenting perma-slog (it’s fun really! Kinda). It can be hard sometimes for people with more linear career paths to grasp the precarity, unpredictability and sheer grind of working for yourself in the creative industries. It also allows you to become part of a larger network, hearing about opportunities, meeting fellow creatives, as well as learning new skills from the people around you. Professional practice and development is something a lot of artists struggle with, and I wouldn’t have gotten by without others sharing their advice and experiences with me. Beyond this, it also teaches you that there is no one ‘right’ way to be an artist, to make work, to exist in the world. I think I was very lucky to be in a studio situation where all the other residents were people I could count as friends.

2020 naturally presented some challenges with regards to being allowed to use the studio, but when restrictions slowly changed around working away from home, I was able to utilise the space again, and this was a welcome respite from always being in the same place. It provided a much needed element of work/life balance, as well as contact with people outside my ‘household/bubble’ (anyone else feel triggered by these words? If I never hear the word ‘household’ again I’ll be delighted). The studio became a lifeline for us during a strange, unsettling time, and prevented my practice from going into homeworking stasis.

The space provided by the studio allowed me to expand the scale of works I was producing, and in my last months in Kekun I was experimenting at a scale I had not previously tackled before- with painting, drawing and even constructing a textile based installation. Kekun, its occupants, and its facilities, were instrumental in broadening my thinking around my practice, as well as diversifying the methods and materials I was willing to challenge myself with.

An installation set up for a project I was working on in Kekun studio (2021)

New beginnings

Unfortunately in the summer of 2022 we all had to vacate the space due to a rather strange situation with a neighbouring business. This was a big wrench, but the studio had become a difficult place to work, and the once welcoming, relaxed atmosphere had been damaged irreparably. We were all very lucky to find spaces in another large city-centre complex- The Anatomy Rooms, run by All In Ideas and home to Arkade Gallery and City Moves Dance Agency.

I moved into my new room there in early September 2022, and although the move was protracted and gruelling (oh the lugging), we are all ultimately happier in our new spaces here. I have my own self contained room, just along from where my old studio mates Jon and Mary also have their own spaces.

The Anatomy Rooms is a building that’s steeped in history (having been, as the name suggests, the anatomy building for Aberdeen University) with a lot of unusual features (disused morgue anyone?). It has been an artist studio complex for many years now, equipped with an exhibition space (Arkade Gallery), areas for teaching, and larger scale events. Being part of a studio like this means I am already embedded in an artistic community. It makes it easier for me to hear about, and be involved in, projects and events. Not that being part of a studio or an organisation should be a prerequisite for this, but I can sometimes be lax in keeping informed about what’s going on, or what opportunities might be open to me. My head is invariably in ‘making mode’ not ‘promote self and be successful’ mode *chefs kiss*. I also resent the tyranny of Meta apps to keep up to date with… anything.

I think it also depends on what phase of working I am in. Sometimes I am deep into a research/making phase, and I don’t want lots of outside stimulation, or I don’t have the bandwidth for anything participatory. But at other points in my ‘making cycle’ I am more open to involving myself. I recognise this about myself more as I develop as an artist- when I am most likely to make the best of a situation, or apply myself to the required standard. Sometimes, particularly after the completion of a big exhibition project, or body of work (even if it’s unseen…) I can feel really drained. I didn’t understand that post-project slumps are a thing, until I talked to other creatives and found there was a common theme of collapse after doing something big, or something that requires ‘giving your all’. It can be similar to burnout, but manifests in different people in different ways. For me I can feel like I want to lie in a dark room with absolutely no stimulation for maybe… four years? I jest. Maybe.

Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed, or at least managed to follow, my foray into my relationship with renting studios.

Last point- would I say having a studio is a good thing for an artist? I think it’s a good thing if it works for you. If it suits your practice, your temperament, your budget. I’m ultimately glad I gave it a go as for me it was beneficial to the development of my practice on a few levels. But I always know that if I had to go back to a spare room, a table, a floor, I would make it work. Adapt or die eh.

Thanks for reading.

J 🙂

Last week!

October 11, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

The draft of this was created on time and I didn’t post it! Shocking.

Making

Last week I started working on a brand new zine, here’s the draft front cover image:

Cover for the new zine I am working on: ‘Host Organism’

This zine will feature some of the monochromic works I’ve been creating in the last couple of weeks. Mostly these comprise of digital collages compiled from photographs I have taken (35mm, DSLR, iPhone) and found imagery. I may also try to include some text with these works but I will see– I don’t want to put pressure on myself to create some poetry or written texts, as generally if I think to myself ‘okay gonna write a good thing’ I generate complete guff.

The theme is probably quite dark (surprise!), but that’s just the direction my work has been taking, so I’m just going to roll with it until I feel like I’ve exhausted or exorcised whatever theme I’m in the grip of. Gloom era.

Other projects

I’m also currently working on a collage commission. The brief for this project was to create a kind of ‘journey piece’ for the client based around the renovations to their two previous homes. To create the work I have been given a large amount of paperwork relating to the two projects- mostly architectural drawings and plans, and the accompanying administrative paperwork.

I spend the initial stages looking carefully through the material to try and form a structure in my mind, pick out any imagery that appealed, and trace a thread from start to finish.

I am now at the ‘draft’ stage, where I have settled on a layout I am happy with (it’s quite a long, thin artwork), so now it’s *just* a case of arranging and rearranging the content until I have something I feel works coherently.

This project is the first time I have been asked to incorporate element like technical drawings, and I have been given permission to cut up the original paper plans (!) I have been assured that everything is stored electronically now- phew. Despite this, I have been a bit tentative about actually cutting them, and have been working with photocopied images of sections of the plans I have chosen. For the final piece I will however take the plunge and sink my scissors into the originals. I think the variety of textures the papers provide will give the work a tactile quality and stop it being too flat (a constant quest/problem in my collage pursuits). I also do need to fill the client requirement of actually utilising the materials provided. Imagine!

I don’t generally do a lot of commission work, but it has been a change of pace to have something larger scale to work on, that allows me to incorporate a variety of techniques. I am hoping to finish the piece by the end of October- nothing like a deadline to induce some sweaty trips to the studio.

I am pretty good at self-motivating, but for something like this, I could quite easily let it sit on the back burner instead of giving it my full attention. The deadline helps me to prioritise, and also gives my client some sense of certainty (gracious of me lol).

I am always incredibly nervous showing either the finished piece or a draft to the client. In the past, for smaller commissions I have mocked up several options for the customer to choose from (which can sometimes create issues!). But these days I tend to go through that process myself and decide on which version or draft I feel meets the brief, and works as a whole. Is this professional confidence? Or streamlining the process? Both?

Pricing commissions is my least favourite activity. To calculate I usually create a budget of materials and calculate my time using Scottish Artist Union rates of pay. It’s helpful to have this reference point to explain your pricing to clients, organisations, or anyone else who asks (fun). But naturally I never end up charging accurately for my time, because generally I’ll have discussed a budget with a client and sometimes I feel (however erroneously) that if I choose to fuss around with a piece for an extended period then that’s on me. I might just be in that kind of mood and I don’t know if I can really charge out my time for that.

Saying that I’ve made some serious errors when creating pieces for people I know in terms of costings. Mates rates are good and all, but I don’t like walking away from a project feeling undervalued or sore about it. It’s obviously on me to assert myself but I can feel uncomfortable sometimes about that in a friend/acquaintance/colleague dynamic. Any experience in navigating this? Tricky area. Let me know below.

Thanks for reading.

Jenny 🙂

Last Week…

October 3, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

Whoops so my whole ‘this week’ post idea went out of the window in the uh… second week. Anyway! Let’s have a recap.

As a quick recommendation, here’s two books that I have read recently on the subject of freedom- previously visited favourite authors of mine, ‘Everybody‘ by Olivia Laing and ‘On Freedom‘ by Maggie Nelson (I’ve linked the paperback versions- I preordered hardbacks when they came out as I am a keen bean hah). I was moved by these books (I needed to take notes), which tackle ‘same but different’ explorations of what freedom means- in terms of bodily autonomy, art, sexuality, and much more. They are both books that I intend to re-read, and sent me off on tangents of research and other reading- my favourite outcome. Highly recommend both of these- it’s important to understand what freedom actually means- we live in uncertain times!

These books are pictured on a newly built bookcase purchased to house my ever expanding book collection. After moving house sooo often I stopped buying physical books for a long time, to save space (and my spine), but I came back to the hobby of book buying HARD during 2020. I actually really enjoy giving my eyes a break from screens and reading a physical book. I compliment my paper collection with audio books, as I do still have to be careful with buying too many books- we live in low budget times!

Making

This week, as well as my ‘Garbage Portents‘ zine featured in the last post, I also completed a suite of items for my Cannibal Cubs side project.

The Mousieverse- version 1!

The ‘collection’ if you can call it that, features a zine, two stickers, and some screen printed tote bags (printed by yours truly). I have some experience of screen printing through my work with Cannibal Cubs, but this was one of the first designs where I took the reigns more with printing the whole offset design myself. It was really fun, creating this weird 3D effect. Due to the handmade nature of the process, each bag is unique!

I’ll maybe dive a bit deeper into the Mousieverse at a later date, but the potted version is this: I started creating drawings, paintings and mixed media works featuring mice (we’ll get into ‘why mice’ in a separate investigation!), and slowly accumulated such a wealth of material I wanted to collate it all into a zine. I felt like some of the larger pieces I made were creating their own realm- hence the imaginative title of the Mousieverse. The works represented a further loosening of my approach to making. I started making quick drawings with ink and brushes, slowly getting larger and larger in scale, and then cut up lots of them, remaking them into collages, filled with colours and layers.

Drawings, paintings and collages collected in the zine.

The totes are a nice compliment- I make and sell a small amount of ‘merch’ through Cannibal Cubs– lower priced items can help to support the continuation of projects that are not revenue generating or driven, a strategy employed by many artists (I will revisit this in a more in depth post about artists and merch). I think I originally wanted this for my ‘Corvid Eyes‘ line of work, and then it ended up being the main event for a while… I’ve been trying to step away from this recently however, my continued fight to just be ‘an artist’ rather than a ‘collage artist’ (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not what I personally want right now).

The zines, like ‘Garbage Portents‘ are printed and bound by myself. I had to use a long reach stapler for these guys as my sewing machine packed in! I need to take it to the repair shop. I’ve been using a 1960’s Singer machine I inherited from my grandmother and it probably needs a bit of TLC!

The type of sewing machine I have- hopefully up and running again soon.

Similar to my last zine, this one also contains some text. They aren’t quite full poems, but excerpts from my notebooks while making the works. I am hoping to expand on the inclusion of text, and maybe one day I will produce a purely text based zine. Maybe.

Reading/Books

I completed my listening of The Bradshaw Variations by Rachel Cusk. Not the ending I was hoping for (no spoilers)! But it made sense. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’ve just started A Cigarette Lit Backwards by Tea Hacic-Vlahovic, read by the author, and I’m really enjoying the immersive experience of the audiobook so far. Sometimes I walk around listening to audiobooks but I can get very absorbed, to the detriment of my safety on roads and pavements. Despite the danger of audiobook fog, I once had a very long walk back from a car garage early in the morning accompanied by Olivia Laing’s ‘To the River‘. I remember the walk quite vividly, the colours of the morning sky, the route I took home, my detour through the park, all the while accompanied by the book. It felt like I was reclaiming a bit of my own time while making a relatively mundane journey. Most of the time I listen to music when I’m storming around, but it’s good to mix things up. Some walks require certain soundtracks, and there’s something soothing about an early morning + non-fiction. I try not to think about journeys on foot to and from places as some sort of dead time to march through to get to the next thing. Frenzy mode. I like to try and look for things- particular sights that hold my attention and end up feeding back into something at a later date- a huge part of my ‘Omens‘ project was this incidental imagery thing. In the same way that dreams work, taking moments from your day, and mixing it with memories and the influence of the subconscious.

This can sound a bit romantic, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not jazzed looking at litter or mounds of dog shit, but it can add a bit of meaning to days when I feel like my time is not my own. Which is often.

For instance I really enjoy the pattern of light on this slab one day in August:

I love hunting for light and shadow- a lot of 35mm film I use relies on super high contrast, and I am high key obsessed with *nice light* and shadows.

So that’s a short summary of my output and input for this week- the mice emerged and I didn’t get run over listening to any books. Good job!

Thanks for reading- I will endeavour to update with a proper post for this week.

Jenny 🙂

Garbage Portents- a zine

September 30, 2022 thedraftexcluder1 Comment

Garbage Portents Zine- my newest completed zine project!

After my ‘Omens‘ show was over I decided I wanted to commemorate assembling that body of work by creating a zine. I thought it would be a nice was to condense the show, almost like an exhibition catalogue but if it were made by a raccoon. I have been ‘self-publishing’ (if you can call it that) zines for many years as part of my work with Cannibal Cubs. I like the DIY nature of making a zine, I usually assemble, copy and bind them myself. Skills! I have access to a photocopier at my job (I am building up to a post about artists and jobs, brace yourselves), so I have a low cost way of disseminating my printed works. I typically price them between £5-£7 so they aren’t too much of a bank-buster for the reader either, one of my own favourite things about zines and why I have so many myself!

I’ve had some zines printed professionally in the past, which is nice and the method I would always choose for a photography zine (photocopiers don’t do justice to colour photos imo), but for many of my projects I can get away with a VERY lo-fi approach and finish. I think I enjoy the tactility of a handmade zine, seeing the photocopier roller marks, the imperfections in the print. I’ve always enjoyed gathering other artist’s zines and some of my favourites are the most lo-fi ones. Sometimes you have an idea, or a collection of things that just need to be out in the world, and it’s a great low budget way to do it.

‘Bygone’ zine by myself and the artist Mary Butterworth for a show of the same title.

With Cannibal Cubs we used our zines as a moodboard for collections of our other handmade items, such as prints and wearables. They were often just replicas of sketchbooks we created from the germ of an idea- sometimes just a phrase or a theme we run with. The zines are quite chaotic but there is always some semblance of cohesion- I promise.

A layout ‘plan’ for a Cannibal Cubs Zine.

For the ‘Omens’ zine I wanted to try something I had been slowly building on for previous CC zines- including pieces of text written by me. I suppose it would be correct to call them poems. I had been writing short pieces during the period when I was creating the visual works for the show, so I felt like the poems worked naturally alongside the collages.

I used to write a lot of poetry when I was younger- I remember once having a poem published in one of those compendiums you pay to be a part of (!) I was probably twelve and the book had the most hideous cover. Thankfully there isn’t much evidence of this mini-poet so we can all rest easy.

I came back to writing text pieces around the time I worked on my series ‘Some Re-assemblage required’ where I produced a photographic zine at the end of the project (this one was professionally printed as I had some funding- neat!). I was really excited by the idea of incorporating text into my work. I think it was something I felt I couldn’t really do with the work I was making at the time. I would agree that my ‘Corvid Eyes’ style collage work would struggle with the inclusion of text without it being really twee, but my more experimental photographic pieces/digital works were certainly more welcoming of the inclusion of text.

‘Some Re-Assemblage Required’ zine (2019)

I think this step back towards my own creative writing was around the time I was beginning to read more, and particularly reading more poetry. I found lots of authors whose work spoke to me in a way I hadn’t encountered before, and it was apparent that I didn’t have to adhere to a particular format, or pentameter, to write something- at that point it didn’t even need to be good, just something. The poets I discovered at this point were, amongst others, Maggie Nelson and Melissa Broder (we’ve covered my fangirling previously…). I think I had erroneously built poetry up in my mind as something I didn’t do any more, something I wasn’t interested in, something that just wasn’t for me. Wrong!

I mostly write in the evenings, often right before I go to sleep. I sometimes get a rush of ideas when I am trying to wind down, and I keep a notebook handy for this purpose. Sometimes it felt like the writing was a sort of purge, and I was able to sleep better afterwards, like finishing a crossword (no? just me?) or writing a list so your conscious mind can rest. I sometimes felt like when I was writing I was in that flow state I mention so frequently, not quite out-of-body, but just feeling more in-between than present. I have to be in a state where I am neither self conscious or critical, that can come later, I just need to write the words down as they ‘appear’ to me. If that sounds too airy-fairy, it’s basically just a state where the busyness of my mind is briefly veiled, or fully uncorked, and I can just write.

Summer evening set up with books (note- *poetry* books! who is she?), bed and my view- the sort of time I like to write when I can!

I wouldn’t describe this process as ‘automatic writing‘ as such, but I do believe in the influence of the subconscious in art making. When I was created the visual works for ‘Omens’ I took pains to follow my instincts- if an image ‘spoke’ to me I would include it, and would let my mind wander for other potential associations, for images to actively seek out for the works. Sometimes it can be easy to fool yourself into believing you’re doing things ‘automatically’ but I try to be fluid and not overanalyse my own patterns of thinking while I work (again I can do that later, and oh boy do I).

The creation of the zine was relatively straightforward. I typed up all the poems I wanted to include, and set about creating a suitable running order, pairing works with images that, in my mind, made sense. I tried not to get too bogged down in this, as I kept reminding myself- it’s my zine, I can make as many versions as I like! One of the perks of self-production is that you are less worried about making typos and other errors as you can easily reprint, or not care, without feeling like you wasted good money on something that now needs to live in a box under your bed for the rest of your years.

One of the pistachio coloured prints from the show I really liked- grabs you by the eye… balls.

One of the decisions I did give some thought to was the colour of paper for the zine. I had printed the visual works for the show as risographs, and many of them had been in coloured paper and then presented in coloured frames. I felt like the zine deserved a pop of colour too. So I selected a salmon pink colour, and a lime/acid green colour. These were similar to my two favourite paper colours from the show- salmon and pistachio. The acid green is maybe a bit hard on the eyes for reading, but it is really impactful and packs a punch behind the black images.

In an ideal world I would have produced this zine by risograph as well, but my budget wasn’t quite able to go that far. The packs of paper I bought were super low cost, and in already having access to the photocopier I was able to produce the zines very, very cheaply. I stitch bind them on a sewing machine at home, and my back-up go-to is a long reach stapler. Welcome to lo-fi town.

Overall I am pleased with how the zines turned out. They won’t have a huge reach, but it felt like a milestone for me in terms of producing a zine with my own creative writing included. I might even submit some of my poems to some online poetry zines, once I’ve had a bit more practice, or maybe it’s just something I do for my own practice. Either way it has felt like a poignant moment for me, expanding what I do, building my confidence to continue writing, and feeling less and less pigeonholed by my own work. Win/win.

KEY FACTS ABOUT THE ZINE!

It’s 36 pages cover to cover.

The title came from a conversation about bad omens where I described everything I had seen as ‘garbage portents’.

It contains 10 poems- and some of them have bad language- soz.

Erm, that’s it.

For those who are interested, you can buy the zine here. I do ship internationally!

Thanks for reading, as always.

Jenny 🙂