This post got a little delayed due to me being absolutely floored by a cold. I actually had to take some time off, which is unusual for me. I haven’t been that unwell in years. Basically my brain was like an over-baked potato, so all things creative, and all things blog just had to take a back seat until I resurfaced. I’m functioning on about 60% now, so that’s something. Hah. The joys of winter.
Anyway- back to my original post.
A couple of weeks ago a collective I am part of (Cannibal Cubs) had a piece of work included in a group exhibition of women artists in at the Yard Life Gallery, SWG3 in Glasgow, Scotland. I was really stoked for our work to be included alongside this group of talented artists working across the country and beyond. I was also excited to be included in a show in Glasgow, having only shown in the city a couple of times. There’s a thriving art scene there, and it always feels like events are well supported and attended. I’d love to be part of more shows and projects happening across the country- I suppose it’s just me standing in my own way for this to happen a lot of the time.
The show opening night was also a rare chance to meet some of the other faces behind the works and the atmosphere was really positive, warm and welcoming. I haven’t been to many openings if I’m honest since Covid. So it was nice to do something like this and have it feel so rewarding. I sometimes find openings a bit overwhelming, and my social skills are probably a bit rusty for larger events. I need to be reintroduced to society like the beaver. Anyway.
Be sure to check out the show in Glasgow if you’re around there- it runs until January and features works across a variety of mediums- sculpture, needlework, pyrography, painting, printmaking, tufting and more. The organisers worked really hard to pull together something special- including a hand assembled catalogue- and the space is jam packed with a diverse range of works. Well worth a visit- I came away feeling energised (I need more of this) and looking forward to opportunities to connect again with such a dynamic and inspiring group.
You can watch a wee video about the show here. Or read about it here. You can find more info about the show and the Yard Life Gallery here.
A sneak peek at our piece:
Titled ‘REVOLTING’ we created a mixed media artwork with a range of elements, including hand tufted parts. The piece was intended to depict a mouse revolt against cat tyranny. Solidarity!
Making
I made a large scale piece the other week after discovering a huge roll of paper in the studio with a textural background all over it. It is mostly a mixed media collage of my drawings of mice (surprise!). It sort of developed from the process of making the piece for the Creative Resilience show. I feel like this large works might become a series. Having the new studio space has been really instrumental in encouraging me to shake off a lot of limitations. Making large, dynamic works feels quite natural now, whereas before I was quite timid about adventuring much beyond A3 sort of size.
It was made pretty quickly while listening to a combination of the Polyester Zine Podcast and The Great Women Artists Podcast. I neglect to listen to things for months and then binge ten episodes in a sitting! Standard. Easily my two favourite listens while working.
I made the piece on the floor, it was quite physical doing that and was what I needed to break myself out of a bit of a creative funk (albeit briefly). I find this time of year a bit tough for motivation and starting new projects. Or finishing them. I am still toiling with the commission I have been working on sporadically for months- although I did push myself to make some decisions about the final presentation of the work. It’s essentially an assembly job now, and I just need to motivate myself to pick up my tools and complete it. Next week…
I’ll be back with a post about a workshop I ran yesterday 🙂
The draft of this was created on time and I didn’t post it! Shocking.
Making
Last week I started working on a brand new zine, here’s the draft front cover image:
Cover for the new zine I am working on: ‘Host Organism’
This zine will feature some of the monochromic works I’ve been creating in the last couple of weeks. Mostly these comprise of digital collages compiled from photographs I have taken (35mm, DSLR, iPhone) and found imagery. I may also try to include some text with these works but I will see– I don’t want to put pressure on myself to create some poetry or written texts, as generally if I think to myself ‘okay gonna write a good thing’ I generate complete guff.
The theme is probably quite dark (surprise!), but that’s just the direction my work has been taking, so I’m just going to roll with it until I feel like I’ve exhausted or exorcised whatever theme I’m in the grip of. Gloom era.
Other projects
I’m also currently working on a collage commission. The brief for this project was to create a kind of ‘journey piece’ for the client based around the renovations to their two previous homes. To create the work I have been given a large amount of paperwork relating to the two projects- mostly architectural drawings and plans, and the accompanying administrative paperwork.
I spend the initial stages looking carefully through the material to try and form a structure in my mind, pick out any imagery that appealed, and trace a thread from start to finish.
I am now at the ‘draft’ stage, where I have settled on a layout I am happy with (it’s quite a long, thin artwork), so now it’s *just* a case of arranging and rearranging the content until I have something I feel works coherently.
My desk while I work on the commission
This project is the first time I have been asked to incorporate element like technical drawings, and I have been given permission to cut up the original paper plans (!) I have been assured that everything is stored electronically now- phew. Despite this, I have been a bit tentative about actually cutting them, and have been working with photocopied images of sections of the plans I have chosen. For the final piece I will however take the plunge and sink my scissors into the originals. I think the variety of textures the papers provide will give the work a tactile quality and stop it being too flat (a constant quest/problem in my collage pursuits). I also do need to fill the client requirement of actually utilising the materials provided. Imagine!
Desk scraps
I don’t generally do a lot of commission work, but it has been a change of pace to have something larger scale to work on, that allows me to incorporate a variety of techniques. I am hoping to finish the piece by the end of October- nothing like a deadline to induce some sweaty trips to the studio.
I am pretty good at self-motivating, but for something like this, I could quite easily let it sit on the back burner instead of giving it my full attention. The deadline helps me to prioritise, and also gives my client some sense of certainty (gracious of me lol).
I am always incredibly nervous showing either the finished piece or a draft to the client. In the past, for smaller commissions I have mocked up several options for the customer to choose from (which can sometimes create issues!). But these days I tend to go through that process myself and decide on which version or draft I feel meets the brief, and works as a whole. Is this professional confidence? Or streamlining the process? Both?
Pricing commissions is my least favourite activity. To calculate I usually create a budget of materials and calculate my time using Scottish Artist Union rates of pay. It’s helpful to have this reference point to explain your pricing to clients, organisations, or anyone else who asks (fun). But naturally I never end up charging accurately for my time, because generally I’ll have discussed a budget with a client and sometimes I feel (however erroneously) that if I choose to fuss around with a piece for an extended period then that’s on me. I might just be in that kind of mood and I don’t know if I can really charge out my time for that.
Saying that I’ve made some serious errors when creating pieces for people I know in terms of costings. Mates rates are good and all, but I don’t like walking away from a project feeling undervalued or sore about it. It’s obviously on me to assert myself but I can feel uncomfortable sometimes about that in a friend/acquaintance/colleague dynamic. Any experience in navigating this? Tricky area. Let me know below.
For some time I have been aiming to shift the direction of the collage element of my practice. I wanted to, among other things, create more depth in my compositions, and introduce more elements of my own creation (photographs/drawings). I felt a bit trapped by the sometimes repetitive nature of my high-colour, vintage looking collage pieces- and for a time I couldn’t really stand to look at these works.
A really busy early Corvid Eyes era piece.
I feel less like this now, but also recognise that dissatisfaction is a driver for me to keep creating. I would probably be a bit worried if I made some works or a work I was completely happy with… what would keep me going? I think that’s a fairly generic refrain from artists generally. Sometimes looking at old work is like looking at old photographs of yourself, and your response is dictated by how kind you are feeling towards yourself in that moment!
The developmental process in my collage works had been moving- predictably- slowly throughout 2021 and into this year. Previously this would have caused me some frustration but I have taken a more relaxed approach to allowing my own ‘process’ to happen. Being overly fixated on how my ideas should arise and be developed is something that has dogged my practice since my undergraduate days. One of the major salves for this particular problem is being around other artists and creators, and see the myriad ways they allow their ideas to ferment, and change.
In early 2022 an opportunity to exhibit arose with a venue in Aberdeen known for its support of local artists and creators- Parx Cafe. I decided to utilise this opportunity to host the first public outing of my ‘new style’. Initially I was quite worried about how I would pull the show together in what felt like a short space of time, but like many other creative types, sometimes I need the fire of a deadline to make me move. For a time I thought about including some quite loose, scribbly, experimental works, but decided my confidence wasn’t high enough for this kind of show, and also, I was mindful that these works would be displayed in a cafe environment to a range of people, so they should suit the space and the overall atmosphere.
The scribbly work that didn’t make the cut (haha collage joke soz).
After the initial stage of ‘oh my god what am/what am I doing/everything is embarrassing’ which is required for every public showing of work, I settled on creating a series of digital collage works which I would present as risograph prints. My thinking was that the show would be summery, the works printed on brightly coloured paper, and hung in hand painted coloured frames. My work can be quite dark, in theme and aesthetically, so this method seemed the perfect antidote to a potentially very gloomy, buzz-kill hang. I think #summergoth might be the most appropriate hashtag here.
Work from ‘Omens’ (2022)
I compiled a collection of twenty or so works, produced in the space of a few weeks. I sometimes find my ‘flow‘ when I’m working on a project and am able to fully embed myself in the process, drying my eyes out for hours on my laptop merrily reworking compositions until I am satisfied (as much as I can be). The theme of the show emerged more concretely as I worked, and was inspired by an earlier series of photographic works I had produced. The set of black and white photographs were taken on my 35mm camera during those mandatory ‘lockdown walks’ of 2020 and 2021. Trudges. Anyway, because of the circumstances of the time I found myself seeking meaning in the things I saw, examining everything as a portentous image. The collage works took a similar bent, incorporating some of my own photographs, alongside my drawings and found imagery (as an aside- a lot of people ask me where I find my imagery for my collages, and it’s an accumulated mass from years of collecting from open source archives, magazines, books… I’m a hoarder of any scrap of paper my brain deems useful).
various collage bits
The works for ‘Omens’ were a departure from previous pieces due to the amount of space I allowed to remain in the compositions, choosing to centre many of the works within a border of negative space. Looking back over works from the preceding couple of years, I can now see that this was the direction my work was moving in, but these compositions solidified this move. I was startled by the effect that space had on the works, giving the selected images space to breathe, instead of taking my usual ‘wunderkammer’ approach to collage, ramming every piece from top to bottom, with no control over my colour palette (I did learn to reign myself in after some very valuable input from a mentor- thank you Anne). Looking at the works it seems like such a simple and obvious change, but in fact it took my a long time to feel bold enough to strip my work back in such a way. Each chosen element holds more emphasis, more power- at least that’s how I came to understand this reorganisation.
Work from ‘Omens’ (2022)
Sometimes my works felt like jumble sales, or those ‘hidden object’ games, providing intrigue in searching and a small joy in finding new features continuously, but I started to feel like the wealth of imagery I was including was obscuring my insecurity in some ways. In the last fews years I have tried to undertake a bit of self-reflection to enhance and develop my practice. This sounds very formal but it actually just involves coffee and staring. But one revelation I did hang onto was why after my photographic based degree I pivoted towards collage. Why did I chose to step away from the production of photographic images for so long? I graduated in 2009 and I probably only started working seriously with photography again in 2016, why did I abandon this tract of my practice?
Like many artists, after the initial rush of post-degree show excitement and some unexpected opportunities, I started to experience real anxiety about being able to sustain the momentum I had built up in my final year of study and the first fruitful months as a new graduate. I remember feeling like my project ideas were becoming more forced and lacking. I felt like I just had to keep taking photos, I had to keep pushing myself. I probably just needed a break. I remember staging really pointless photoshoots and looking at the results knowing they were lame. Outside the environment of the art school, with group crits and studio mates, I stumbled into a weird vacuum. It’s very easy as a result to lose confidence in your own abilities, the direction of your practice- yay, identity crisis! I’ve also easily slid into being a cheerleader for the careers of others and significantly neglecting my own- but that’s a whole other story!
Early collage work (2009)
Collage became a new fixture for me in the autumn of 2009. I found some interesting open-source books on a trip to London and was really excited to try out some compositions. The ‘Une Semaine de Bonté‘ phase! Collage, as a method, wasn’t new to me, so it felt safe. A safe way to explore ideas without the feeling of exposure photography was giving me (wait- is that a photography pun? sorry). Looking back now I understand that it was a feeling of my ideas, or lack of them, being exposed, which didn’t make me feel very good either. Collage was also a way to circumvent drawing in creating works. Drawing was something I had left behind, with a similar ill feeling, in my early years at art school- and probably warrants a deeper exploration, so I’ll save that for another post (the anticipation! for no-one!).
Early collage work ‘Consumption 02’ (2009)
Against the rather uncertain origins of focusing my practice on collage, the ‘Omens’ show represents for me, a positive step towards feeling more comfortable within my own practice (but not too comfortable- also dangerous). Including my own photographs and drawings allowed me to claim a greater sense of authorship over my works (which may seem counterintuitive as they are still my works), and create a new, stronger aesthetic for the show.
Work from ‘Omens’ (2022)
The works are also an attempt to make visible my attempts at creating my own visual language. I didn’t want to impose any particular reading of the individual pieces, but instead leave them open for the viewer to decipher using their own memory bank of symbols, signifiers and meaning imbued in the mundane. While researching themes for this show I came across this Joan Didion quote which embodies this idea quite specifically, but succinctly,
“Survivors look back and see omens, messages they missed. They remember the tree that died, the gull that splattered onto the hood of the car. They live by symbols. They read meaning into the barrage of spam on the unused computer, the delete key that stops working, the imagined abandonment in the decision to replace it.”
Work from ‘Omens’ (2022)
In the creation of these works I had tuned into this idea of messages, of seeking meaning in the mundane, of how memory is created, of how we react to the barrage of visual stimuli we encounter every day, consciously and subconsciously. Our minds are well versed in collage, pulling together disparate elements all the time, particularly when we dream. Whilst working, the combinations of images and materials I selected occurred to me often very intuitively, in a dreamlike way, and I tried not to overly question why I chose this image to accompany that, etc. On one hand this sounds kind of flip or ill considered, but I have, for a long time, been genuinely interested in the role of the subconscious in art making, and how I will have deep associations within my own mind between image and memory, image and sensation etc. I tried not to fight against that while I was working and engage too much with my over-active critical mind, saving that portion for the work selection stage.
Work from ‘Omens’ (2022)
I enjoyed the process of creating this series of works, even if I put myself under pressure initially. I was pleased how they fitted into the bright, airy space at Parx, and that my vision for a colourful summer show came together without looking too much like a rainbow exploded. I’m very grateful for the opportunity to showcase my work, particularly during a stage of transition in my practice. It always feels like a risk to show work that is a departure from what came before, particularly in the instagram age. For artists it can feel like a huge knock to share works that are going in a new direction and face a significant drop in engagement and reach as a result (that’s before we factor in the capriciousness of the algorithm). It almost felt better to share the new works in a physical space than an online one- because I am oblivious to how people respond, or don’t, to the works. I suppose you can judge success in sales, or online shares, but you are largely removed from the process of audience engagement outwith the space. This is a blessing for me during the upheaval of turning my practice in a new direction. Years of exhibition space invigilation have rendered me resilient to off the cuff comments about my work, or harsh interrogation, but there are times when you feel more vulnerable. Like a crab shedding it’s skin for a new one, there’s a period when it’s incredibly vulnerable- and that’s where I am right now. And it feels like an okay place to be.
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this, or to visit the show 🙂
DRAFT EXCLUDER 