this week – DRAFT EXCLUDER

2022 byeeeee

December 21, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

I figured it might be a good way to round off the year with a post, and although I haven’t quite established a regular posting schedule, I figure it’s better to write when you feel moved to do so, rather than forcing a post of dross out to tick a box on my to-do list.

Current reading etc

I am currently listening to the audiobook version of ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel A. van der Kolk. A much recommended book, it has been a difficult listen in places (as any book about trauma is going to be) but has been eye-opening in many ways to the deep connection between body and mind. I think it’s very easy, as a cerebral person, to forget this, and this has been an invaluable digression.

I have just finished the latest issue of Spike Magazine- Vulnerability. Any magazine that has Tea Hacic-Vlahovic as a regular contributor is a must on my list.

I have completed my large scale commission I seem to have been endlessly toiling with (no pictures of the final piece until I’m over the initial hatred stage).

wip shot of the long commission. long in many ways…

I have started another large scale mouse based collage work in my studio.

me making something awful

I made a few hilarious Cannibal Cubs tufted rugs as gifts for people (I wasn’t going to include pictures in case someone happens to read this, though I think I am safe to say none of my immediate circle would subject themselves to reading my blog as they are regularly exposed to the live show). As many people I’m sure are experiencing, life seems to be very expensive just now, and Xmas appearing in view is not a welcome sight when the budget is already zero. I have made more handmade gifts this year than I usually do- I am normally too busy making items for markets and the like, but having swerved that this year I found myself with a teency bit more time. There’s also something therapeutic about this particular process for my addled brain.

A mouse rugly made by me as a cyute gift. Normally my mouse rugs are a bit… intense? But I made this once nice and friendly.

Anyway, back to my version of the dreaded holiday newsletter. No one graduated, it was mostly toil. I jest.

2022 the year of leaving the ‘Kekun’.

2022 has been a year where with the rolling back of covid restrictions, I have been able to broaden the scope of what I was able to achieve in the public sphere, including exhibitions, workshops, and spending more time with people face-to-face. I think this was a necessary thing before I completely atrophied from lack of professional external contact and ‘putting myself out there’. I have a propensity to be insular when I am creating new works, but if I let that mentality seep across my entire professional life I am at risk of disconnecting in a way that isn’t healthy. Being a loner works for some artists, and I think everyone needs this to a degree, but at this stage in my life I can’t really become a total recluse. Yet.

As I’ve detailed before, the covid years provided me with time to develop long neglected sides of my practice such as beginning to draw again, picking up my analogue camera more regularly, and starting to produce written works. But we humans are social creatures and although I was able to glean some small benefits during an overwhelmingly stressful and dark time, I am glad to have been able to re-emerge and ‘do the things’.

As a practitioner this year has been invaluable in taking my first steps back into teaching. Covid restrictions made workshops retreat to the online sphere, and it’s been nice to actually get out and connect with people doing creative activities again. It was a confidence boost to remind myself of my own capabilities and also the enjoyment that art can bring to people’s lives, with simple materials a lot of the time. I am hoping to build on the workshops I have provided so far, as well as expanding my freelance working to include some more consistent teaching and facilitation. Upswing!

Image from a recent collage workshop held at a local community warm space.

Existing in the current economic climate has arguably been a challenge but this is not unusual for artists or those working in the ‘creative industries’ (am I the only one who hates that term?). Many of us are all too familiar with instability, precarity and the need for fortitude and adaptability. Saying that however there is only so far that a positive attitude can take you (maybe I’m not *manifesting* hard enough), and when bills just need paid you start to question whether you have chosen a foolish path. I think questioning your choices is pretty much innate in ‘art life’, but it has had an acute, sharper feeling this year. I have always pursued other employment whilst being an artist, but have had periods this year where I had no additional income and it was at times, destabilising. I have once again sought alternative, part time flexible employment, which will take the pressure off- even if the logistics are making it harder to commence than anticipated. I am resourceful. I will survive. I will ride my sewer crocodile into the sunset. Soon.

everything is trash and I am falling over.

But sometimes it does not stave off the creeping sense of discomfort that choosing this life was a mistake. I am sure that most creative professionals encounter this sensation, probably daily in some cases, but many of us seem to manage to keep on, keepin on, and strive towards having the sorts of lives they want to live. Also maybe we don’t talk about this enough? Only amongst close confidantes? Should artists talk more about ways to survive together? Do they already have support groups I am not invited to? Something to ruminate over next time I’m trying to meditate. Intrusive thoughts!

Anyhoo.

What keeps me going? What keeps me going in the dark night of art soul?

this again.

ART FRIENDS!

Mostly peer support. Having other people around trying to live the same kind of lives makes you feel like you are not alone, and that you are not in pursuit of the ridiculous (even when you probably are). Mostly. It gives you a sense of community amid an existence that can feel like chaos, or just out and out permaslog. Feeling seen and heard is important, having people to turn to for advice, or just to complain to can, like all problems, make the load a little lighter, even just for a while. I am forever indebted to my studio mates and other creative friends for this. But I wasn’t always so lucky. It took me a long time to build networks, and I had to actively seek out opportunities to meet other artists or makers. I initially did this by applying for selling events and naturally seeing the same faces, as well as attending a course entitled ‘Sustaining Life as a Creative’ in 2016. I was able to meet a whole room of people trying to exist as a creative in differing ways, and made some lasting connections as a result. We soon realised we all had versions of the same problems, and it made me feel less isolated. It took me a long time to actually not be isolated however, but this was the beginning of that process. I was lucky to stumble across this course, but depending on where you live you might not have these opportunities so readily to hand, and have to rely more on the interwebs to connect with others. I have dabbled in this also, but I’m actually kind of rubbish at consistently being on instagram or other platforms, so my lacklustre presence doesn’t inspire a constellation of pals and potential. It’s hard to invest a lot of time and energy in being ‘online’ all the time, I find it quite intrusive into my regular brain space. There are certainly lots of people who excel at this- more power to them- but I need IRL support or I crumble.

What else helps?

BEING A NERD!

Reading the biographies of other artists is usually a good morale boost, and has always provided me with much solace. Understanding that the path is not linear for creative people can give a sense of hope and comfort when you wonder if you should have just… done literally anything else. The only thing that can mar this slightly are biographies that include scenes of extreme wealth and status that make you think… okaaaaay, I’m not the offspring of an aristocratic dynasty or the great nephew of whoever… but there are always *some* commonalities regardless. Creative struggle is struggle, but some people have more of the general life struggle than others. You’ll never find a complete mirror of your own experience in such accounts, but a glimmer of recognition is still something in the dark.

MORE READING!

approx 1000000 books belonging to me

I have also read many, many advice books for artists, and will list below the ones I have found the most useful. I also try to read relevant blogs, like The White Pube, which features helpful advice columns, and find solace and a dark chuckle in niche meme accounts for artistic life.

Useful books/Books I have read:

‘Ways of Being: Advice for Artists by Artists’ by James Cahill– predictably this had some gems and some so-so nuggets of wisdom, as marmite as the artists themselves will be for many people. Highlights again the differing journeys each artist will have, and that success takes many forms and has varying timelines.

Plan & Play, Play & Plan: Defining your art practice by Janwillen Schrofer– this was helpful when I was trying to become more comfortable with the rhythm of my own practice, the importance of play, what productivity actually can look like. It was dense and well put together- I need to revisit it.

How to be an Artist by Jerry Saltz– this was a high energy collection of pep and encouragement, acknowledging that not everyone’s practice will look the same but there is inherent value and importance in just showing up and trying. Art is hard work! Jerry wants you to get to it, stat.

Playing to the Gallery: Helping contemporary art in its struggle to be understood by Grayson Perry – digestible and friendly, written with humour and wit. Accessible and overall enjoyable read from a self-aware artist.

I also liked this just because: What Artists Wear by Charlie Porter– fun dive into the sartorial lives of artists and what it reveals about their differing ways of existing in the world. It’s never ‘just clothes’. As Leonard Woolf said, ‘Nothing matters, and everything matters’.

On my reading list:

Talk Art: Everything you wanted to know about contemporary art but were afraid to ask by Russell Tovey and Robert Diament – will report back once I’ve had a chance to get through this one.

What’s next?

This coming year I am trying to bring a greater sense of stability into my life, with more regular freelance work and sporadic part time employment (hahaha I am aware how that sounds… ha). It’s hard to create and be creative sometimes when you are constantly thinking about the rising cost of everything (particularly materials, sweet baby J), so I am hoping that my employment changes will engender a slightly greater sense of security that might free up my creative brain. Fingers crossed.

I am still pleased with the variety of projects and shows I have undertaken this year, and similarly hope to build on this again next year. I think it’s easy to underplay your own achievements but in the midst of what has at times felt like a difficult year, I have still managed to pull together work and explore new avenues, new techniques, all whilst moving studio (goodbye OG Kekun Studio, hello Arkade Studios) and working on larger projects.

Also committing to maintaining and creating this blog has been a step I had wanted to take for a while, and although this is only in the very early stages of becoming something, or indeed anything, I am pleased I took the step to encourage me to write more, and share my thoughts and ideas with a wider community.

Thanks for reading- I hope you have a restful xmas/holiday break

J 😊

This week in review

October 21, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

So this week I finished my current audiobook listen: ‘A Cigarette Lit Backwards‘ by Tea Hacic-Vlahovic.

I enjoyed the audiobook version so much that I wish I had chosen this version for her first book ‘Life of the Party’ (actually it’s not available in English, only Italian, good reason to learn). Having Hacic-Vlahovic reading the text was like having a friend telling you stories and secrets, unlike reading it in a monotone in my own head (jokes I don’t really do that. But as an aside I once read that not everyone ‘reads aloud’ in their head when reading a book and quite frankly I was disturbed. But then I learned that not everyone has a near constant monologue in their own head… not that I have that… no…).

Anyway back to the book! I really enjoyed this teenage whirlwind, coming-of-age tale, set in the early 2000s. Thankfully due to my own age (no spoilers) I was well versed in a lot of the cultural references, and it engendered a combination of nostalgia and relief in me that I am no longer living in that era! Although… pre social media as we know it… tempting…. I never even had MySpace! lol.

The book reminded me of the intoxicatingly violent headiness of being a teenager. The impulsiveness, the intensity and depth of emotion, the swaying from ‘fuck it’ to ‘who am I what am I doing’. The gross perils of navigating your first forays in romantic entanglements with others, the abuses of power that seem to come naturally to so many. The all or nothing dynamic of relationships/friendships- just sheer intensity, stirred up with hormones, mixed with a determined rebelliousness against… well, most things.

Similar to living in the early 00’s (would you like to experience more misogyny than today?) I don’t think I miss my teenage years (heck no), and like the main character Kat, I hated school. I couldn’t wait to leave and get onto the next stage of my life. To stop being treated like a child, to not be a child. Kat fights the good fight of teen rebellion in a self-assured way that my 15 year old self would have been in awe of. I’ve always said that teen girls (having been one) are one of the most dangerous, potent forces on the planet and this book does little to contradict this. Kat is a force, and although prey to the same insecurities and doubts that every teen suffers, she rebounds in ways that I (in my decrepitude) was delighted and rallied by. I was cheering Kat on, I wanted to hug her, and I wanted, more than anything, to go clothes shopping with her. Teen dream!

It reminded me of the Bikini Kill song, ‘Rebel Girl’:

When she talks, I hear the revolution
In her hips, there’s revolution
When she walks, the revolution’s coming
In her kiss, I taste the revolution

Rebel girl, rebel girl
I know I wanna take you home
I wanna try on your clothes, uh

The book is propelled by the snowball effect of decisions, even small ones, at that time of life, and the ways they can lead you down unexpected, or ultimately doomed paths. One minute you’re being led gently by the hand, the next fate punches you in the gut, right? But it also reminds you of the possibilities in life, of making different choices, of staying true to yourself (too cheesy? there’s a lot of grilled cheese in this book so it’s on my mind), and of *namaste betches* rebirth!

Also enjoyed the observations of the trappings of small-town mindsets (heaven help us), and the conformity that is sometimes embedded in subcultures, even those based in non-conformity (ew you like that band? ew you’re wearing that?). It also reminded me of the joy of finding others that think like you, and the inevitable betrayals when people turn out to be more (or less) than you thought. Teen years are the Everest of learning curves and this book, at times painfully, documents the torment of internal and external struggles reaching an apex. I always thought the next part was the most exciting- taking all that and using it to shape yourself into an individual. This book is steeped in that sense of possibility and it is a welcome reminder that that feeling exists, on different scales, in our lives well beyond our teen years.

I would recommend this book to anyone who was an alt teen in the 00s and anyone who wasn’t- what’s the point of reading if you don’t take the chance to see through someone else’s eyes and expand your thinking. Sermon over.

That girl thinks she’s the queen of the neighbourhood
I got news for you, she is!

Making

This week I have been working with my Cannibal Cubs collaborator to make a new piece for an upcoming group show. The deadline is pretty tight, so things have to happen QUICK!

I feel like I’m quite behind on some projects, not sure why, motivation has been a bit low, and energy even lower. I sometimes think the change of the seasons, particularly into autumn, leaves me feeling a bit drained. Hoping things pick up- either that or maybe I’ll just hibernate. Done deal.

Have an upcoming trip to Edinburgh so will aim to share some of my cultural/photographic highlights!

Thanks for reading

J 🙂

Last week!

October 11, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

The draft of this was created on time and I didn’t post it! Shocking.

Making

Last week I started working on a brand new zine, here’s the draft front cover image:

Cover for the new zine I am working on: ‘Host Organism’

This zine will feature some of the monochromic works I’ve been creating in the last couple of weeks. Mostly these comprise of digital collages compiled from photographs I have taken (35mm, DSLR, iPhone) and found imagery. I may also try to include some text with these works but I will see– I don’t want to put pressure on myself to create some poetry or written texts, as generally if I think to myself ‘okay gonna write a good thing’ I generate complete guff.

The theme is probably quite dark (surprise!), but that’s just the direction my work has been taking, so I’m just going to roll with it until I feel like I’ve exhausted or exorcised whatever theme I’m in the grip of. Gloom era.

Other projects

I’m also currently working on a collage commission. The brief for this project was to create a kind of ‘journey piece’ for the client based around the renovations to their two previous homes. To create the work I have been given a large amount of paperwork relating to the two projects- mostly architectural drawings and plans, and the accompanying administrative paperwork.

I spend the initial stages looking carefully through the material to try and form a structure in my mind, pick out any imagery that appealed, and trace a thread from start to finish.

I am now at the ‘draft’ stage, where I have settled on a layout I am happy with (it’s quite a long, thin artwork), so now it’s *just* a case of arranging and rearranging the content until I have something I feel works coherently.

This project is the first time I have been asked to incorporate element like technical drawings, and I have been given permission to cut up the original paper plans (!) I have been assured that everything is stored electronically now- phew. Despite this, I have been a bit tentative about actually cutting them, and have been working with photocopied images of sections of the plans I have chosen. For the final piece I will however take the plunge and sink my scissors into the originals. I think the variety of textures the papers provide will give the work a tactile quality and stop it being too flat (a constant quest/problem in my collage pursuits). I also do need to fill the client requirement of actually utilising the materials provided. Imagine!

I don’t generally do a lot of commission work, but it has been a change of pace to have something larger scale to work on, that allows me to incorporate a variety of techniques. I am hoping to finish the piece by the end of October- nothing like a deadline to induce some sweaty trips to the studio.

I am pretty good at self-motivating, but for something like this, I could quite easily let it sit on the back burner instead of giving it my full attention. The deadline helps me to prioritise, and also gives my client some sense of certainty (gracious of me lol).

I am always incredibly nervous showing either the finished piece or a draft to the client. In the past, for smaller commissions I have mocked up several options for the customer to choose from (which can sometimes create issues!). But these days I tend to go through that process myself and decide on which version or draft I feel meets the brief, and works as a whole. Is this professional confidence? Or streamlining the process? Both?

Pricing commissions is my least favourite activity. To calculate I usually create a budget of materials and calculate my time using Scottish Artist Union rates of pay. It’s helpful to have this reference point to explain your pricing to clients, organisations, or anyone else who asks (fun). But naturally I never end up charging accurately for my time, because generally I’ll have discussed a budget with a client and sometimes I feel (however erroneously) that if I choose to fuss around with a piece for an extended period then that’s on me. I might just be in that kind of mood and I don’t know if I can really charge out my time for that.

Saying that I’ve made some serious errors when creating pieces for people I know in terms of costings. Mates rates are good and all, but I don’t like walking away from a project feeling undervalued or sore about it. It’s obviously on me to assert myself but I can feel uncomfortable sometimes about that in a friend/acquaintance/colleague dynamic. Any experience in navigating this? Tricky area. Let me know below.

Thanks for reading.

Jenny 🙂

Last Week…

October 3, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

Whoops so my whole ‘this week’ post idea went out of the window in the uh… second week. Anyway! Let’s have a recap.

As a quick recommendation, here’s two books that I have read recently on the subject of freedom- previously visited favourite authors of mine, ‘Everybody‘ by Olivia Laing and ‘On Freedom‘ by Maggie Nelson (I’ve linked the paperback versions- I preordered hardbacks when they came out as I am a keen bean hah). I was moved by these books (I needed to take notes), which tackle ‘same but different’ explorations of what freedom means- in terms of bodily autonomy, art, sexuality, and much more. They are both books that I intend to re-read, and sent me off on tangents of research and other reading- my favourite outcome. Highly recommend both of these- it’s important to understand what freedom actually means- we live in uncertain times!

These books are pictured on a newly built bookcase purchased to house my ever expanding book collection. After moving house sooo often I stopped buying physical books for a long time, to save space (and my spine), but I came back to the hobby of book buying HARD during 2020. I actually really enjoy giving my eyes a break from screens and reading a physical book. I compliment my paper collection with audio books, as I do still have to be careful with buying too many books- we live in low budget times!

Making

This week, as well as my ‘Garbage Portents‘ zine featured in the last post, I also completed a suite of items for my Cannibal Cubs side project.

The Mousieverse- version 1!

The ‘collection’ if you can call it that, features a zine, two stickers, and some screen printed tote bags (printed by yours truly). I have some experience of screen printing through my work with Cannibal Cubs, but this was one of the first designs where I took the reigns more with printing the whole offset design myself. It was really fun, creating this weird 3D effect. Due to the handmade nature of the process, each bag is unique!

I’ll maybe dive a bit deeper into the Mousieverse at a later date, but the potted version is this: I started creating drawings, paintings and mixed media works featuring mice (we’ll get into ‘why mice’ in a separate investigation!), and slowly accumulated such a wealth of material I wanted to collate it all into a zine. I felt like some of the larger pieces I made were creating their own realm- hence the imaginative title of the Mousieverse. The works represented a further loosening of my approach to making. I started making quick drawings with ink and brushes, slowly getting larger and larger in scale, and then cut up lots of them, remaking them into collages, filled with colours and layers.

Drawings, paintings and collages collected in the zine.

The totes are a nice compliment- I make and sell a small amount of ‘merch’ through Cannibal Cubs– lower priced items can help to support the continuation of projects that are not revenue generating or driven, a strategy employed by many artists (I will revisit this in a more in depth post about artists and merch). I think I originally wanted this for my ‘Corvid Eyes‘ line of work, and then it ended up being the main event for a while… I’ve been trying to step away from this recently however, my continued fight to just be ‘an artist’ rather than a ‘collage artist’ (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not what I personally want right now).

The zines, like ‘Garbage Portents‘ are printed and bound by myself. I had to use a long reach stapler for these guys as my sewing machine packed in! I need to take it to the repair shop. I’ve been using a 1960’s Singer machine I inherited from my grandmother and it probably needs a bit of TLC!

The type of sewing machine I have- hopefully up and running again soon.

Similar to my last zine, this one also contains some text. They aren’t quite full poems, but excerpts from my notebooks while making the works. I am hoping to expand on the inclusion of text, and maybe one day I will produce a purely text based zine. Maybe.

Reading/Books

I completed my listening of The Bradshaw Variations by Rachel Cusk. Not the ending I was hoping for (no spoilers)! But it made sense. Doesn’t mean I have to like it. I’ve just started A Cigarette Lit Backwards by Tea Hacic-Vlahovic, read by the author, and I’m really enjoying the immersive experience of the audiobook so far. Sometimes I walk around listening to audiobooks but I can get very absorbed, to the detriment of my safety on roads and pavements. Despite the danger of audiobook fog, I once had a very long walk back from a car garage early in the morning accompanied by Olivia Laing’s ‘To the River‘. I remember the walk quite vividly, the colours of the morning sky, the route I took home, my detour through the park, all the while accompanied by the book. It felt like I was reclaiming a bit of my own time while making a relatively mundane journey. Most of the time I listen to music when I’m storming around, but it’s good to mix things up. Some walks require certain soundtracks, and there’s something soothing about an early morning + non-fiction. I try not to think about journeys on foot to and from places as some sort of dead time to march through to get to the next thing. Frenzy mode. I like to try and look for things- particular sights that hold my attention and end up feeding back into something at a later date- a huge part of my ‘Omens‘ project was this incidental imagery thing. In the same way that dreams work, taking moments from your day, and mixing it with memories and the influence of the subconscious.

This can sound a bit romantic, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not jazzed looking at litter or mounds of dog shit, but it can add a bit of meaning to days when I feel like my time is not my own. Which is often.

For instance I really enjoy the pattern of light on this slab one day in August:

I love hunting for light and shadow- a lot of 35mm film I use relies on super high contrast, and I am high key obsessed with *nice light* and shadows.

So that’s a short summary of my output and input for this week- the mice emerged and I didn’t get run over listening to any books. Good job!

Thanks for reading- I will endeavour to update with a proper post for this week.

Jenny 🙂

This week- September 2022

September 24, 2022September 24, 2022 thedraftexcluderLeave a comment

I wanted to start a regular series of blogs where I take a brief(!) look at what I’ve been making/reading/thinking about in the current week. I haven’t quite established a rhythm for this process but figure it’s better to be looser in my approach and see how it develops. That way there’s no pressure for me nor disappointment for you! Maybe?

Making

We’ll start with making. What have I been making this week?

A paper work I created this week while annoyed.

I’ve been trying to remember to play about more with paper based collages, rather than always opening my laptop to work. The piece above is a black and white paper collage I put together fairly quickly, just using the scraps lying about on my desk. I’ve recycled a fair bit of imagery from previous experiments, but I sometimes I have favourite images or scraps that I keep coming back to- I think if something ‘speaks’ to me it warrants an attempt at inclusion.

Thematically I’ve been very deep in a phase of monochromatic work. I sometimes think with my practice that I take an ‘all or nothing’ mentality and I either want a very vibrant colour palette with lots and LOTS of different tones, or I want absolutely no colour at all. I think sometimes this reflects my mood while I am making. I think I was quite annoyed when I working on this experiment, and was using the process as an opportunity to try to soothe myself a bit, or try to work something out. Getting lost in process is sometimes exactly what you need to distract you from how you are feeling- I’ve mentioned ‘flow‘ before and it’s one of the best ways to get out of my own head. Although equally I’ve experienced (as we all have) moments where distraction isn’t possible.

I enjoyed making this quick piece anyway, overthinking aside.

Reading

This week I’ve finished two books by Natalia Ginzburg

Firstly

I raced through this book, an exploration of complicated family dynamics and a failed romance, set against the backdrop of Post-War Italy. I am always amazed and delighted by authors who find ways to express the subtleties and intricacies of complicated interpersonal relationships and the feelings they engender. It’s a great skill to translate the intensity of even fleeting emotional states, that can be hard to put into words. I came across Ginzburg by way of Rachel Cusk (she wrote the introduction to the version of Ginzburg’s ‘The Little Virtues‘, and a piece on Ginzberg in her essay collection ‘Coventry‘), a more recent addition to my list of favourite authors. I’m also currently listening (well, not RIGHT now) to the audiobook version of Cusk’s ‘The Bradshaw Variations‘, having worked my way through pretty much her entire back catalogue in print and audio. It would be hard to pick a favourite from her novels, but I really, really enjoyed the Outline Trilogy (I try to post links to buy things from places other the Jeff but struggled to find a site selling the complete trilogy as a set) and Second Place.

Cusk is another author that skewers the complexities of human emotion in a way that I am stimulated by, and grateful for. I sometimes find myself unable to accurately translate my own emotions into written words or speech, and more recently I have come to recognise and appreciate that my own work strives to create a visual language of sorts for me. I feel the same level of awe about the works of Melissa Broder and Deborah Levy also, another two authors I adore. I even DM’d Broder to tell her how much I loved her book The Pisces– don’t cringe too hard y’all!

After being unable to read for pleasure for a long time (academic study can do you like that), I do feel like in the last few years (2020 became a boom time for my reading) I have been very lucky to discover authors previously unknown to me, who have opened up whole new vocabularies of feeling and ways to begin to translate the tumult of both inner and external worlds. It seems to me that there are often feelings or thoughts that have fuzzy edges, that are hard to scrutinise or dissect, or that flash across your mind too quickly to see solidly in the daylight. I think in some instances good works of art can help you to recognise previously unseen, or unrecognised parts of yourself, or others. Art has the capacity to make existence feel less lonely- a good book can feel like a huge comfort during times where you feel uncertain or off balance.

During several instances in my life where I have experienced periods of upheaval or transition I have turned to books and reading as a sanctuary of resilience. During one such instance I was lucky enough to discover another two authors whose work I have continued to follow religiously- Olivia Laing and Cat Marnell. I particularly enjoy autobiographical audiobooks read by the author, such as those by Marnell. It’s like having a friend tell you stories, keeping you company in literal and metaphorical dark times. I might even do a separate post about my favourite autobiographies! Sit tight.

Back to this weeks reading- I also finished ‘The Dry Heart’ by Natalia Ginzburg.

In a similar vein to ‘Voices in the Evening’ this quick-fire book also explores family relationship dynamics, and principally, the trajectory of a doomed marriage. One of the reviews on the back cover describes the book as a ‘Roman candle’ – short and explosive. I would agree! I read this book in a couple of sittings and found it hard to put down. I was almost hesitant to start this book as I knew it would be a highly emotive read, but despite the inevitable tragedy that unfolds, I was gripped. At times it was a claustrophobic, intense read, but I was fully immersed, leaving the book feeling more incensed than saddened. I will continue my quest to read Ginzburg’s other works, and feel they will come to hold a solid place in my library, and already I anticipate revisiting them.

I don’t really want to shape these ‘weekly posts’ into pseudo book reviews- I don’t think I can be succinct enough to provide that. I think when I try to do that I start sounding forced, and feel I need to write in a particular way, with a particular vocabulary. It also brings back memories of writing book reports about Nancy Drew novels when I was at primary school. That would maybe be more compelling? But what I would like to achieve is to demonstrate the ways in which a weekly array of stimuli feeds into my practice. This is useful for myself also, as I can start to link together what seems like disparate influences, prompting me to seek new experiences or materials each week.

To round off, whilst gathering links for this post I came across a review of Cusk’s collected essays ‘Coventry’:

Frequently, these present dense, distracted thickets of inner dialogue that are not always easy to penetrate

I think I enjoy the thickets, and it’s probably why I seek such works out, to try to hack my way through the density of my own inner life. Introspection or self reflexive works aren’t for everyone, but I think I’m probably drawn authors like Cusk, Ginzburg etc to expand my emotional vocabulary and engender a deeper understanding of my own inner world. My emotional life is closely tied to my artistic output, more than I realised, and consequently I will continue to seek out other works that gift me an appreciation of the multitudinous, contradictory, and shifting nature of my own mind, and the world more widely.

I’ll finish with a potted version of my current reading wish list- titles which may or may not feature in future posts:

Notes on Shapeshifting- Gabi Abrão– I’ve always enjoyed Gabi’s meditative, embodied instagram.

A Cigarette Lit Backwards- Tea Hacic-Vlahovic (going for audio version of this as it’s read by the author- another fave).

Super Infinite- Katherine Rundell– fun fact- I liked the metaphysical poets.

Miss Dior- Justine Picardie– I enjoy biography as we know… and, another fun fact, I particularly enjoy a fashion related one. Earlier this year I listened to The Chiffon Trenches by André Leon Talley (now sadly passed), and really enjoyed it, particularly his impressions of Karl Lagerfeld.

This list will continue to expand and grow- I get a lot of joy from knowing the sheer wealth of interesting books that await. It’s the little things.

Until next time.

Thanks for reading!

Jenny 🙂